Truth or Dare
by Candi Cox
Summary: Sitting around at Grimmauld Place can get pretty boring. Sirius comes up with a way to entertain himself and the others. Oneshot.


**AN: Pre- OotP. A game of Truth or Dare has some interesting results. One shot. I wanted to see if I could make a story using only dialogue, so here it is. I hope it makes at least a little bit of sense. Constructive criticism is welcome, as always.**

"Hey, guys, let's play Truth or Dare!"

"Yeah, good idea. We're not really doing anything else. Hey, Tonks, you in?"

"Of course! Since when do I miss out on truth or dare? Remus! Come play!"

"Truth or dare? I haven't played that in decades."

"Lame old man! Padfoot's the same age you are and he's the one who suggested it!"

"Who else is playing?"

"Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Bill, the twins, me, Sirius and now you."

"Well, I don't know…"

"Oh, come on! It's either this or helping Mum clean out the bedroom."

"Molly deserves all the help she can get. She's done so much for us."

"Moony, you help her clean my house every waking minute. You deserve a break!"

"Fine. I'll be over in a minute."

"I'll start. Ginny, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Were you really going out with Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan at the same time last year?"

"Of course not! Who do you think I am? Hermione, truth or dare?"

"Dare of course!"

"Confident, are you?"

"I have yet to lose a game of truth or dare and I'm not planning on starting now."

"Hey! I was the champion of truth or dare in my Hogwarts years. You'll never beat me, Hermione!"

"It's on, Tonks. Go on, Ginny, give me your worst."

"Go tell Sirius's mum's portrait that you'd rather be a house elf than a pureblood."

"That's it? I would've thought you could do better. I'll be right there."

"FILTHY MOODBLOOD SCUM! HOW DARE YOU LET THE NOBLE BLACK NAME SLIP THROUGH YOUR UNGRATEFUL LIPS?"

"You got her talking, Hermione. Now could you please shut her up?"

"That would be another dare. Do it yourself."

"Fine. Lazy girl. Don't start again until I'm back. Truth or dare without me and George is like cake without frosting."

"All right, everyone ready? Um, Professor Lupin. Truth or dare?"

"I haven't been your teacher for a while, Hermione. You can call me Remus. But truth."

"Have you ever bitten anyone?"

"I don't know, but I sincerely hope not. Before Wolfsbane Potion was invented, I didn't keep my mind during transformations. I would wake up with no idea what I'd done last night. Sirius, truth or dare?"

"Dare. I like a challenge."

"Sing that Celestina Warbeck song for us."

"I wanna give you a Sticking Charm so that we're always together, I wanna be stuck to you now and forever…"

"Shut up! Moony, make him stop!"

"Thank you, Sirius. That's good enough. Your turn."

"Ron, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Go get me some butterbeer but you have to balance it on your head on the way back."

"Fine. I'll be right there."

"Sirius, you know he's going to spill it, right?"

"Course I do. I just want to see him get all mad and start swearing when he spills it."

"IN THE NAME OF MERLIN'S SAGGY FUCKING LEFT…"

"Ronald Weasley! Never use that language in my presence again! And what is this mess?"

"Sorry, Mum. Spilled some butterbeer is all. It won't happen again."

"It had better not! Now I'm going to go finish cleaning the master bathroom, but I still have ears."

"I hate you, Sirius."

"Sorry, Ron, but the look on your face when your mum walked in was pretty priceless. Anyway, it's your turn."

"Fred, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Is it true that you and Angelina, you know, _did it_ during the Yule Ball?"

"'Course it is. Angelina and I are made for each other."

"Then why aren't you still together?"

"Shut up, big brother. It's just not ideal timing. Tonks, truth or dare?"

"Dare. Though judging by the evil grin on your face, I think I may regret this."

"Well, I would normally tell you to hop on one foot around the house just to see how many things you hit, but I think I have a better idea. Strip for us!"

"Strip, you mean all the way?"

"Yeah. Take off the boots, the incredibly tight pants, the three lace shirts you have on, all of it. I'm willing to bet that there's a whole lot more lace below the shirts, and I want to see it all."

"Why did I ever agree to play truth or dare with a bunch of testosterone filled teenage boys?"

"Well, if you'd rather chicken out, then I'd win."

"No way, Hermione! You can't win that easily. Fine, boys. You want to see a naked girl and you can see one. Here you go."

"Whoa. Who would've guessed that there's a girl beneath the badass Auror?"

"Um, actually, George, it's pretty obvious. I don't know many boys who wear what she does and those who do don't look like that."

"Tonks, can I have a picture?"

"Ron! Quit being such a typical male."

"Sorry, Hermione. It's in my DNA."

"Whatever. Go on, Tonks."

"George, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Did seeing an old lady strip just now give you a hard-on?"

"Yep. Though I'm willing to bet it gave everyone one. Well, not Ginny or Hermione I guess. Bill, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Go tell Snape you love him."

"Done. Oi, Snape!"

"What do you want now? It had better be quick. I have a lot of work to do and some of us can't afford to just sit around and play children's games."

"Are you implying something, Snape?"

"Drop it, Padfoot. Snape, darling Snape, I just wanted to say that in all the years I had you as a Potions teacher I have always felt that our relationship could be so much more than just teacher-student. I think I've always had feelings for you but now I know, you are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with."

"Touching, Weasley. Now if you'll excuse me…"

"Ouch. You just got burned by a greasy-haired git twice your age!"

"Yes, but Ron, I, unlike you, am currently with an intelligent and beautiful part-veela. Can you say the same?"

"Damn. Does she have any cousins?"

"Ron! You don't need to marry a veela. I'm sure you could find someone else."

"But, Hermione, I want to marry a veela!"

"Boys. Always the same. Maybe one day you'll grow up and realize that there's so much more than beauty to a woman."

"Ron, Hermione and I are trying to see who's the best at this and you're distracting her. Right, now everyone's gone. Shall we move on to round two?"

"I got to see Tonks strip. I'm complete now. I think I'll go work on our latest product line some more. Coming, George?"

"Yeah, count us out. Good game, though."

"I promised Fleur I'd give her some more English tutoring today so I think I'll call it a game, too."

"Are you sure English is all you tutor her in? Not, perhaps, chemistry or physical education?"

"Ron, your chronic immaturity amazes me."

"Right, so that leaves me, Hermione, Remus, Ron, Sirius and Ginny?"

"Why don't you and Hermione just do sudden-death rounds? Remus, Ron, Sirius and I can give you each a truth or a dare and whoever chickens first loses."

"Sounds good to me. Okay with you, Tonks?"

"Sure, whatever. I'll win anyway."

"Whatever!"

"Okay, I'll go first. I dare Hermione to tell us all what Viktor Krum said in his latest letter."

"Ginny! You're evil! All right, he said he wanted to Summon me just so he could watch my eyes forever. Stop snickering, Ron!"

"Sorry, sorry, won't happen again. Sirius, why don't you give Tonks a dare?"

"Well, we're cousins, so that would be inappropriate. Everyone else is underage, so I dare you to kiss Moony."

"What?"

"You heard me. Go on, plant a wet one right on his lips."

"Why do I get all the slutty ones?"

"Because we all like to watch."

"I guess that's a twisted compliment. All right, come here, Remus."

"This is completely inappropriate!"

"But I can't lose to a fifteen-year-old! Come on."

"Yeah, go on, Moony. Quit being such a prude. You've had the hots for her for ages!"

"Sirius! Tonks and I are friends. Nothing more. All right, Tonks, go on."

"Wow. Keep going, please!"

"Ron!"

"Sorry, sorry."

"You have no idea how long I wanted to do that."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I…I don't know what to say."

"How about saying you enjoyed it?"

"I did. But we can't…"

"Tonks, I know whispering things to Remus is very important but I am trying to beat you at truth or dare here, so if you wouldn't mind continuing…"

"Right."

"I just made Tonks kiss Moony, so I think, Hermione, it's only fair if I make you kiss someone. Go on, kiss Ron."

"What?"

"Kiss Ron."

"No way!"

"So then you're a chicken!"

"Fine. So be it. I surrender."

"Am I really that unattractive?"

"No, actually…never mind."

"Aww, Hermione's blushing!"

"Shut up! Good game, Tonks. I'll see you all for dinner."

"Jesus, it was only a kiss!"

"Ron, you're such a _male_."

"I see Auror school taught you a lot."

"Oh, don't get your knickers in a knot. Um, Remus, remember how I told you that you left your, uh, book at my flat? Why don't you come get it now?"

"I didn't leave any…oh. Oh, right. Certainly. We'll just be right back."

"I wonder what's up with them. Oh well. Just you and me, Gin."

"How can you not realize what's going on?"

"Well, we were playing some stupid game and then everyone left."

"Idiot. I think blind men can see better than you can."

"But blind men can't see."

"Exactly, Ron. Exactly."


End file.
